Being insecure about oneself can be detrimental to how we face life. Insecurities can cloud how we view ourselves and lead us into darkness.
Society has made labels to determine what is pretty and what is not.
Should we view ourselves less because we’ve been labelled and stay in that box? Of course not.
Insecurities can affect anyone, no matter how confident they may seem. It’s about learning how not to let insecurities control how we think about ourselves.
How Do You Define an Insecurity?
An insecurity is something that we negatively think about ourselves, such as weight, height, or IQ. It can leave us feeling inadequate and decrease our confidence level, as it is an emotion associated with a lack of confidence.
But who defined what we should be insecure about?
Society has shaped us to believe in what are attractive features that we “should” have. I mean take for example guys who are not overly tall. It’s a so-called problem if the woman is taller or the same height. The weight behind these comments can make a man feel insecure about his height because society has labelled taller men more compatible to date.
People can make all sorts of remarks about someone from the beginning of school to adulthood. Sometimes, we weren’t even bothered by these features, but someone pointing it out and being rude about it can have a serious impact on someone’s self-esteem.
And it’s extremely easy to say don’t listen to these people, but if you’re already feeling inadequate about this feature, then the impact is so much greater.
Everybody has things they don’t like about themselves; we’ll call them imperfections because nobody is perfect.
I believe insecurities are influenced by a whole raft of things, such as lack of confidence, comparison, and past experiences.
How Can We Learn to Embrace Our Insecurities?
Learning to embrace our insecurities is a journey towards self-love and becoming our best version.
Understanding why we are insecure about something is the first step. Do we have this insecurity because society has told us so, or did someone say something about it?
Unravelling why we have this insecurity can help break it down and make it feel manageable. Pinpointing out why it occurred or where this feeling came from can help us identify the root cause.
Once we’ve broken it down, we need to figure out if anything is making this worse. Are we spending too much time on Instagram comparing ourselves?
We must then decide whether we will let this insecurity have so much control over ourselves. Does this insecurity determine who we are? Learn to take your power back.
How We Speak About Ourselves Around Other People
I mentioned this in my other blog posts, but I will say it again. How we talk to ourselves really does influence our self-love and confidence. If we continuously pick at ourselves about a certain feature, we are inviting people in to comment about it.
If society has labelled someone with an ” unattractive ” characteristic, and this person isn’t bothered, people don’t cling to it; they don’t think twice about making snarky remarks. Why? Because they don’t care if people judge them. They don’t see themselves as anything less.
I’ve also noticed that if people are insecure, they put themselves down in front of other people. Alarming to everyone, “Hey, I’m insecure about XYZ!” Unfortunately, some people thrive on this stuff. They are happy to run with it and make you feel even worse. Some of us put ourselves down to get validation from people, so people can tell us that it’s not true. I’ve recently written a blog about why we need validation and the impact that social media has had.
How Can We Learn to Ignore Someone’s Comments and/or Looks?
It’s hard to turn the other cheek if someone has pointed out our insecurity or looked at us in a certain way. It hurts! It makes us think that it is true.
One thing I’ve learnt from someone else’s comments is that it’s not necessarily about you. You were just their target at the time. If someone says something rude, they probably do it to everyone or behind their back. Chances are, this person is insecure, and maybe you’re reflecting their insecurities.
Reacting to these comments gives them what they want. A feeling of satisfaction that they’ve upset you.
I’m sometimes insecure about how pale I am. You never see bikini models pale; they are always sun-kissed tan. I’ve seen videos on tik tok where someone would rather have a splotchy tan than be pale. People would comment on my pale appearance if I wore a dress to work. So, I stopped wearing dresses to work. I would be envious of naturally tan people. I didn’t want to get into the habit of tanning, and I didn’t want to get sunburnt either.
So, I challenged people. If they said to me, “Oh my god, you’re white”, I would say, “Aw, thank you”. The look of confusion on their face was priceless! It turned it around on them, as it implied that they weren’t complimenting me; they were being rude.
Another expression I learnt from my partner was saying ‘so?’ Make them explain their comment or repeat it. Chances are, they don’t have a reason. People don’t like repeating themselves if they think they could get away with a snarky comment.
Learning to Love Yourself
It’s scary to start sticking up for yourself, especially if you’re like me and don’t like confrontation. But it’s a step in the right direction. You’ll start to notice that these comments won’t have the same sting. It won’t eat up so much of your headspace. Also, these people won’t try again. They know that it won’t affect you, so they stop.
People can deflect so much of themselves to others because they are hurting. I know, people are complicated.
It’s also important to remember that we don’t do it to other people. We become the kindness that we once needed.
Embrace your imperfections. There’s no need to be hard on ourselves just because society has taught us that we should.
Keep shining,
Madeline
youdeservetoshine.blog 