What is self-esteem and how do you learn to love yourself
As we age, we learn more about who we are and sometimes we learn things about ourselves that we don’t necessarily like, whether that’s body image, past experiences or defence mechanisms we’ve taught ourselves to survive, but does that mean we can’t like ourselves at all?
What you think about yourself is the only important opinion to value; you are your best friend before you are someone else’s, because when life gets tough, you are the only one who can help you get through it.
My Self-Esteem Journey
I found my self-esteem fell during the last few years of high school as I felt like I didn’t fit in and felt self-conscious of my body and a whole other raft of things. At this age, the opinion of others mattered; I wanted to fit in and people to like me, but in the process, I forgot whose opinion mattered the most, mine!
As I went into the big, wide world, I learnt that there are some things about myself that I didn’t like. I was too sensitive, too introverted, and I thought I was a bit weird, and I took it as if they were the only things that people saw in me. I forgot that, even being sensitive to rude comments or jokes, there were still positives about being “too sensitive”, like how much I care for those around me and taking into account other people’s feelings.
Then, on top of all this, I focused too much on boys and what they thought about me compared to other girls, which made me feel even worse about my body! I spent more time putting myself down, so when someone did compliment me, I didn’t believe it and thought they were being fake.
It’s a very confusing time when you have so much noise from the outside world telling you who you are, and, how you’re supposed to look that you forget you even have strengths.
I went on a self-acceptance journey – quirks and all, and if something embarrassing is going to happen, or if I say the wrong thing at the wrong time, I’m very lucky that it’s me. It took me a while to start accepting myself (and I’m still on this journey), and I viewed the things I didn’t like about myself as improvements, worked out my strengths, and focused on being louder in those spaces.
Learning to Love all of You
You aren’t going to gel with everyone, and sometimes other people won’t gel with you, but that doesn’t mean you should view yourself any less. The more you love yourself, the less these sorts of things will take up headspace, and eventually your self-esteem and your confidence will increase (check out my other post about building confidence here).
I’m 100% an introvert, and I don’t believe there is anything wrong with being an introvert either. So many people tell me to go out drinking, party more, but I realised I enjoy time with friends during the day or catching up over a nice glass of wine and spending quality time with one another. But once I realised there is nothing wrong with being an introvert because both extroverted and introverted personalities have strengths and weaknesses, I relaxed and enjoyed how I wanted to spend my time. Now, when someone says something about being a grandma, I’m not bothered. I’m not viewing myself any less.
I also think that when you have good self-esteem, other people’s remarks don’t hold the same amount of weight because you don’t need other people’s validation, as you already have your own.
One trick that helped me view myself better was writing affirmations on post-it notes on my mirror, like I value myself, I’m beautiful, and I love who I am, and I said them out loud every day. I know it sounds kind of lame, but it helped because I was telling myself the things I needed to hear.
Something to Take Away with You
There are always going to be people who get a kick out of putting other people down, but this shouldn’t concern you because if you listen carefully, it’s got nothing to do with you. All they are doing is projecting their insecurities onto you, and all you need to remember is to keep on shining!
Increasing self-esteem is something that everybody faces multiple times throughout their lives. Learning to love and accept yourself is a journey that can be challenging. There are ups and downs, but in the end, it’s worth it because you start attracting love from other people and cut out any noise.
Keep shining,
Madeline
youdeservetoshine.blog 