It’s not worth your peace
You’re cruising through the day feeling good about your work, then a coworker gives you that look or makes a passive-aggressive comment. Your stomach suddenly drops. Your minds start racing, and you wonder what you’ve done wrong. If this sounds familiar – you’re not alone. Many of us experience this daily.
We care about our work and how we feel within our team. So when something like this happens, it can be difficult to ignore.
What’s really going on when your coworkers get to you
We spend a large portion of our time with our colleagues. It’s natural to feel like you want to belong and be respected. When these things start to shake, either through a new colleague, shift in team dynamics or personal stress, it affects us. All we want to do is go home and feel at peace.
There are various reasons why we let our coworkers get to us:
Belonging and approval needs. When feeling new, uncertain, or under-recognized, we scan for signs of approval. Neutral signals can be misread as negative.
Cognitive distortions. Mind-reading (“They think I’m useless”), personalization (“This attitude is about me”), and catastrophizing (“This will ruin my reputation”) can pour fuel on a tiny spark.
Nervous system load. Your body is primed to detect threat if you’re running on low sleep, high pressure, or emotional overload. For highly sensitive or introverted people, constant noise, urgency, or ambiguity can be especially draining – classic workplace triggers.
Unclear expectations. Small comments feel bigger when outcomes, timelines, or decision rights are muddy because the stakes feel unknown.
None of this means you’re “too sensitive.” It means you’re human. When you value your work, it’s easy to read into a colleague’s mood or their rushed message. Stepping back helps you notice: Difficult coworkers may behave poorly, but their behaviour doesn’t define me.
Lately, I’ve found I’m letting my coworkers get to me. I’m new to the team, so wanting to feel like I belong is natural. However, I’ve had a lot of personal stuff on my plate, so I’m outpouring my validation onto my coworkers. I’m becoming more sensitive to their behaviours – wondering if they like me. My confidence has taken a hit. Instead of being sure of who I am and my abilities, I’m left questioning if any of these are true. I’m more focused on what they think than just doing my job.
Regain your centre
When we start to feel isolated or judged at work, it’s important to remember that your job doesn’t define you. Nor do the opinions of others.
What do you do if you start feeling like this?
- Breathe and count to 5. Take a moment to ground yourself before you let your mind spiral or react.
- It may not be about you: Perhaps they’re just having a bad day or have a lot on their plate.
- Let them: If that’s how they want to behave at work, then that’s shame on them. If they don’t value you or your job, that reflects poorly on them.
- Go for a walk: Take a moment to remove yourself from the situation – it can do wonders.
- Be polite: Don’t stoop to their level because you can never regret being kind.
Setting boundaries at work
If your energy constantly feels on edge – it’s not you, you’re just letting others get to you.
Here are some ways to build boundaries and protect your peace
Time boundaries. Block focused work, set meeting limits, and use status messages (“Heads down 10–12; reply after lunch”).
Access boundaries. Mute nonessential channels, turn off after-hours notifications, and push ad-hoc requests into a task system. This alone can drastically protect your energy.
Topic boundaries. If conversations turn personal or gossipy, pivot: “I’m keeping my attention on my work, thanks.”
Feedback boundaries. Invite actionable, timely feedback: “If there’s input, can we review it by 3pm so I can incorporate it today?”
Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re agreements. They reduce uncertainty – one of the biggest workplace triggers. Creating boundaries at work means you can do your best without constantly bracing for impact.
Affirmations in the workplace
If you’re mind starts spiralling and overwhelms you, here are some affirmations that can help:
- Their opinions do not define me – I am more than just my job.
- This is just an anxious thought – not a fact
- Their behaviour is not mine to take on
- I will continue to be polite and friendly – I do not need to take on their emotions
- This is just a moment, not how the rest of my life will be
Moving forward
You’re not weak for caring – you value your work and impact. With a few steady practices, you can meet workplace triggers with clarity instead of collapse. Difficult coworkers may still exist, but they no longer get to steer your day – or your self-worth. Bit by bit, you build emotional resilience at work: steadier breath, clearer asks, kinder self-talk, stronger edges. And from that grounded place, the real you shines – calm, capable, and unshakably aligned with what matters.
If you have any tips on dealing with difficult coworkers, let me know in the comments section below.
Keep shining,
Madeline
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