Have you ever had one of those moments where you say no but feel this pressure to explain why? You’re not alone. We begin to justify our decisions, so we don’t appear rude or selfish. Yet, we should feel free to decide without over-explaining ourselves.
Why do we over-explain?
We may over-explain because we want to be liked or to control our anxiety. We want the approval of others, so we don’t let others down. Some may over-explain as a defence mechanism, so we don’t feel integrated by others.
Everybody has had different experiences throughout their life. We all enjoy different things, which can be hard when you like or dislike something compared to someone else. Take extroverts, for example, they love socialising and partying, whereas we introverts would prefer to get cozy on the couch. So, they struggle to understand when we say no to a party or want to go home “early”.
The Power of Saying No
Simply saying no can be such a powerful experience. We’ve stood up for ourselves without feeling the social pressure to explain why. We’ve begun to back ourselves and trust the decisions that we are making. You’re no longer ignoring what you want to do – stopping the internal battle with yourself.
Saying “no” doesn’t make you difficult. You reinforce the message that your time is valuable whenever you set a boundary without over-explaining. It’s a small but powerful way to practice self-love and protect your energy, allowing you to say “yes” to the things that truly matter to you.
Examples
If you’re like me, saying no without over-explaining can feel like a mountain I could never climb. So here are some options for you –
“Thank you, but I can’t right now”
“That won’t work for me at the moment”
“I appreciate the offer/invite, but I’ll have to pass”
“Thank you, but that’s just not for me”
“I like it or I want to”
How to break the habit of over-explaining
Whilst using the above examples can help, here are some ways to break the habit
- Pause before your answer – Taking a moment before you speak can help you clear your mind
- Stick to one sentence – Challenge yourself to say only one sentence. Stop, breathe, and smile if you feel the urge to speak more.
- Patience – Don’t be so hard on yourself if you over-explain. It takes time and patience.
Let Go of the Guilt
There’s nothing wrong with saying no or not over-explaining yourself. You’re not hurting anyone or being selfish. You’re only doing what you want to do. Healthy boundaries help you build stronger relationships and show up more in the commitments that you choose to attend.
So, next time you feel the need to over-explain yourself, take a deep breath, keep it simple – and remember: “No” is a complete sentence.
Let me know in the comments below if you’ve learnt some tips to help you not over-explain!
Keep shining,
Madeline
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