I’m turning 30 soon, and I’ve started to feel the societal pressure to have already met certain milestones. But what is so important about turning 30?
Does it matter if you’re 30 and not married or don’t have kids? Does it make you feel like you’re behind in life? Some women will push to get married before 30 because being married at 31 is soo detrimental to one’s self-image…
I remember being in my mid-twenties and no one asking when I’m having children. As I’m getting closer to 30, the pressure from others has increased significantly. I understand some of the pressure because women do have limitations on when we can have children.
Or the marriage pressure, as you feel the judgment of others questioning why you’re not married yet.
But who created these timelines? Does meeting these milestones by 30 make us happier? Are we putting unnecessary pressure on others because they haven’t met societal timelines?
As each birthday comes and goes, you feel like you’re falling behind. You want to know other people’s age to see if they, too, have met those timelines; if not, you relax a little bit.
When you leave high school, everybody wants to know what you will do, and comparisons start among your peers. I remember everyone leaving for overseas universities or being offered scholarships, and I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to study yet. Did that mean I should view myself less? Of course not! There are people older than me who are still figuring out what they want to do. There’s nothing wrong with not having an answer or questioning it further down the road.
Then you enter the full-time workforce. People begin to question when you will get married or start having children. As time goes on, these sorts of questions become more frequent. I do wonder, when these people were my age, did they too appreciate these questions? Or did they do what needed to be done to be accepted by society?
Is it past generations influencing how we should be expected to live as well?
When we were growing up, you’re told that everybody is unique and if your friend jumps off a cliff, would you jump off too? So why do we expect everyone to meet these milestones before a certain age too?
You can’t help but compare yourself to those getting promoted, getting married, or even having children. Because let’s be honest, people are celebrated when they achieve these things, and it’s hard to feel like you’re never celebrated. But it doesn’t mean your life is less in any way.
So why do we need to achieve things by a certain age? Why do we feel like people view us less because we haven’t?
Some say hitting these milestones gives you a sense of accomplishment and things to look forward to. It can give you a sense of pride that you have achieved things in your life, almost a sense of purpose. However, it doesn’t say anything about age.
I feel that 30 years old is such a big deal because you’ve been adulting for nearly 10 years, and surely, you’ve made certain achievements by now, right? But life isn’t that simple; you make mistakes or change your mind and head in a different direction entirely.
I thought by now my career would be at an all-time high; it would be a high-paying job that would give me a sense of pride. Life had other plans for me. Navigating unemployment hasn’t been easy, but does that mean I’m falling behind my peers? You don’t have a crystal ball to predict everything life throws at you.
Losing my job has meant financial stress for my partner and me. According to society’s expectations, we should still get married and forgo paying our mortgage. Obviously, we will not be doing that. I’m comfortable waiting until we are financially better and having a wedding that we both enjoy, rather than doing it to meet society’s timeline. But that’s the trade-off, isn’t it, as you can’t have everything at once.
I’m not saying I need a $50k wedding to enjoy the day, but I would rather wait then break the bank, and that’s okay.
I do feel there is more societal pressure for women turning 30 than for men. Men don’t have body limitations on when they can have children. Men don’t head to their doctor and be told they must start now before it’s too late because of their age. Perhaps this is the reason why achieving things at a certain age affects women more.
Society has deemed that we are successful if we are married, have kids and have a good job. But what about those who did achieve these things and got divorced because they were unhappy and being poorly mistreated? Are they no longer successful?
Shouldn’t we celebrate those who had the courage to put themselves first and leave a terrible relationship? Rather than being frowned upon because they no longer meet society’s expectations.
People can start over at any age, make new friends down the road, start a new career at 50, or take up a new hobby or a fitness class at 70. Age doesn’t define how you should feel about yourself or determine when you should have accomplished something. As they say, age is just a number and how many birthday cakes you’ve had in your lifetime.
At the end of the day, you can start something new at any age. You can accomplish many things throughout your life. It’s not illegal not to have achieved these milestones by a certain age. Take a breather, you’re not falling behind.
I’ll be turning 30 next year, excited to enter a new decade, no matter what I have or have not accomplished.
Keep shining,
Madeline
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